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Channeling our elusive sensitive side, your devoted PIG staff wonders why so many of these blights on our calendar are 'exclusive' rather than 'inclusive'. The instructions are easy to follow, once you find them in the user's manual, which takes some doing, too. Ingersoll butted heads with many Americans who vehemently disagreed with him, but, no matter how much they hated his ideas, nobody tried to have him jailed, tortured or killed. I get that, and tend to agree, more or less. Patrick's Day is an excuse to get blasted and slur our speech with a faux Irish accent.

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A Russian hit man must have held a knife to the throat of the staffer who talked into Clinton's earpiece and told her to call millions of American voters a "basket of deplorables. Obama will lose his Oval Office privileges on Friday, but he isn't going away. Alone in the Dark: Fairness usually involves some irrational, irrelevant, criteria. Telephones employed the party line - a phone line shared by you and several of your neighbors. Mostly because of expense.

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